


In the Mirror

by 84TestsAndLittleHamada (KotoneJunan)



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Gen, Mentions of self-harm, mentions of self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KotoneJunan/pseuds/84TestsAndLittleHamada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiro Hamada never enjoys looking at his reflection. [Self-hating Hiro, Family!Team, some mentions of self-harm from Fred]</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Mirror

He should get braces. Hiro thinks that to himself one day, brown eyes staring at his features. Lifting a hand, he presses his fingers against the gap between his teeth, the slightly uneven bends of his mouth.

He tells Aunt Cass twenty minutes later that he wants braces, and she gets him those unnoticeable ones that work wonders, reducing the gap in a little under a year, along with a few other problems he’d never noticed. Once it’s been closed, it takes everyone less than four hours to notice the difference. They all express a little disappointment, but Honey is the first to say how much brighter his smile is, and they coax one out of the silent teenager, who only manages a small, slightly shaky smile when they finally give up. His Aunt Cass hugs him, and makes him her hot wings and makes Baymax look after him, but she doesn’t understand.

_He just wants to look good. As good as Tadashi-nii._

* * *

His eyes are the next thing. He’s squinting at things and every time he wears his glasses, he feels awful because he can’t see and laser surgery is so far out of his league for at least another few years. He takes to contacts, because he feels ugly and disgusting whenever he catches glimpses of himself in the mirror.

Of course, GoGo finds out about his eyes when he forgets his contacts and is forced to use glasses for the day. She’s tactful.

Fred isn’t, and Hiro knows Fred doesn’t mean to be mean, that he’s only teasing, but when he mentions how weird the glasses look, Hiro can’t help but scream something unintelligible and storm out, yanking the glasses off of his face and refusing to see the rest of them for the entire weekend.

_They don’t get that he’s ugly with them on._

* * *

Hiro’s skin looks pale and disgusting, and it’s only worse when the few bullies that stalk the halls of SFIT get to him. He learns to use makeup, to cover bruises and black eyes with light application of makeup where he needs it.

Honey is the one who finds him, with a blossoming bruise under a cheekbone, shakily trying to cover it up. She takes his hands and refuses to let him hide his skin from her. She wipes the makeup off, smiles at him, and hugs him tight.

 _You’re beautiful,_  Honey whispers to him, and she means it - Hiro looks in a mirror and disagrees.

* * *

He starts wearing long sleeves, hiding his body under layers when he can, to avoid the ugliness under his skin that whispers in his mind. He’s ugly. He’s too skinny some days, too fat on others. He’s not tall enough, not short enough, and his hair is a mess.

He starts saving money in a jar, to change himself, to make himself beautiful, as good as Tadashi.

He looks in the mirror just before he reaches his self-imposed goal.

_He needs a bigger jar._

* * *

He’s almost a thousand dollars from his goal when Wasabi finds out. He thinks that Wasabi would understand, not tell anyone. But instead, he tells Fred. The one person that wouldn’t understand more than anyone. He’s furious at them all suddenly, and he stops talking to them when he can, closes himself off from the world for weeks.

When Hiro opens the door some weeks later, there’s an unrecognizable face and form standing in front of him. Pale blond hair, long legs in a suit, the guy is perfect.

The guy is Fred. Hiro can’t believe that this is Fred, even though it’s his voice, and his warm, friendly smile that appears on the handsome stranger’s face. Fred sits him down, and tells him that he understands. Hiro can’t believe him, but Fred doesn’t let him speak.

"Dude, look at me. This was what I used to be. I wore suits, polos, slacks, looked good, acted better. And then I started thinking I was too fat." Hiro stares. Fred was a human beanpole underneath his baggy clothes. But the truth comes out, and Hiro listens to his best friend, who fought to keep from starving himself to death, who sometimes relapses, who struggles with his own need to ‘look good’, and sometimes completely falls in the opposite direction.

_Fred is the one who shows him that he doesn’t have to look perfect, that he just has to like himself._

* * *

Wasabi takes him shopping. Hiro’s apprehensive, but Wasabi’s got something like six sisters and a ton of cousins, so he’s inclined to believe that Wasabi will take care of him, make him pretty.

He still hasn’t thanked him for that. Wasabi just ruffles his hair and smiles, leads him through a lot of stores until Hiro finds a clothing style that’s comfortable for him. Wasabi refuses to let him wear baggy clothing, claims he looks beautiful.

Hiro doesn’t believe him either, but at the end of the day, Hiro does look pretty nice, and very cute, even to his own eyes.

So when he gets home, and he looks in the mirror, Hiro can finally smile.

He’s beautiful to somebody. _  
_

_And for that, he’s grateful._


End file.
